If I Had A Second Chance At Life

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Deepa_Sundara_Rajan]Deepa Sundara Rajan
Being a Hindu, I'm programmed to believe in the concept of rebirth. Apart from that, it gives me solace to think that if things did not work out for me in this life, they will in another. I'm a staunch believer in second chances - even (or is it especially) when they transcend lives.
So if I was to be reborn, what would I want to be born as? Not that these choices are in our hands really. But I like to think about it - especially when I'm dead beat or flying around getting work done and trying to race against time.
If I had a chance at rebirth, I think I'd like to be born as a water buffalo. You think that's funny? The two others that I mentioned it to this last week also thought it was hilarious.
But if you think about it carefully, its really a very good choice for a harried, always-on-my-feet, woman-of-the-21st-century, slave to time like me.
The Bubalus bubalis is a noble creature. In my opinion, it is the epitome of relaxation and thoughtfulness, bordering Nirvana. Just picture it, sitting in muddy water, black hide glistening in the sun, swishing flies with its tail, chewing the cud and contemplating, with half open eyes, the world as it whizzes past. Now contrast this picture with the daily routine of any working woman. Wake up to the sound of an alarm, rush about preparing breakfast, lunch, braving traffic and getting to work on time in a photo finish. Then there is the roller coaster ride of dealing with work issues for at least 8 hours. And if you're a mom, then you can multiply this entire effort by two.
Don't you feel jealous? Wouldn't you want to be this animal? What does the world expect from a buffalo really? Practically nothing. Ok, maybe a couple of litres of rich milk a day. Permit a human to tug at your privates a couple of times a day. Ok, maybe that's a tad undignified. Let the passing bird sit on your broad back and pick worms off your skin. That's as symbiotic a relationship as any! Oh and ignore the many insults and curses that use you as a reference point - In Hindi: Kala akshar bhains barabar (to indicate ignorance) or bhains ke aagey been bajana (to indicate that you have no appreciation of finer things). In Tamil: 'Yerumamaadu!' - a curse to indicate girth and immovability, usually uttered in jam packed buses and trains.
That apart, there's really nothing to complain about now is there? Its a life of self actualisation.
Yes, I'd like to be reborn as a water buffalo. With curly horns - as opposed to the long straight ones. A bit of vanity maybe, but I think the curly ones look cuter!
So tell me, if you had the chance to be reborn, what would you want to be born as? Leave your thoughts in the comment box. And feel free to tag others on this topic if you like. Do let me know if you do, so I could also read it.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?If-I-Had-A-Second-Chance-At-Life&id=6505009] If I Had A Second Chance At Life

Groucho's "You Bet Your Life!" Quiz Show Is Now "You Bet Your Life You Need a Sense of Humor!"

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=B._Todish]B. Todish
Here he is (again), the one, the only, Groucho!
After being bored with the "afterlife', Groucho asked for and gets a "special dispensation" to return to earth "life". We become reaquainted with Groucho when he is being interviewed, by Baba Wawa (Gilda Radner's personification of Barbara Walters) about what "cloud life" was like. To the interviewers first question "How are you", Groucho responds: "I hate questions". Cloud "life", he tells Baba Wawa, is very practical. Instead of questions, everyone just speaks with emotional statements about how they feel about things. They only tell their emotions, instead of making judgments and bullying others, or themselves. This is, he tells Baba Wawa, paradise, with zero provocations! It is beyond utopia, or would be, if only there were others in cloud "life" that had a sense a humor, like Groucho. If anyone dares to bully someone else, or themself, in cloud "life", they bully right back by turning around any accusations about doing or saying anything wrong or incorrectly. "Instead of doing "that", "that" did me!" is often heard in cloud "life".
Cloud "life", for Groucho, was very similar to what Groucho required on his 1960's TV show "You Bet Your LIfe". On that show, if any contestant complained about anything, Groucho would ritualistically hold his cigar in his unique way, and say how grateful he was that he could still hear, even if it is just to hear a complaint. Groucho kept thin in the clouds, and still is connected to his cigar. The cigar now functions to keep the clouds puffy. Groucho avoided dieting because he was, and still remains motivated by laughing, instead of eating. When Groucho gained his wings, he lost all of his ego. He had little ego left to begin with in the first place, when he was in earth "life", because Groucho always was interested in making lots of room for his comedy to spread out across his personality, and Groucho wanted all the space that his ego took up in his personality to be filled in with his sense of humor.
Deceased since the 1970's, Groucho tells Baba Wawa that he spends his cloud "life" traipsing around the clouds, always looking to find others in cloud "life" who have a sense of humor. Other cloud "lifers" spend their cloud "life" looking for their sense of humor, and finding it hard to find it in any of the cloud "life" religions, etc., so Groucho is pleased to return among the earth "lifers" to seek out earth "lifers" that still have their sense of humor intact. So far the only earth "lifers" he has found that he can relate to are Bill Maher and Ellen Degeneres. They both, like Groucho, have the courage to face their fears, their emotional vulnerabilities. These two either do all their own comedy writing, and/or risk ad libbing everything. Ellen even dances unscripted and unpracticed, spontaneously!
Joining Groucho and Baba Wawa were Bill and Ellen. They all enjoyed an Italian welcome back dinner and Groucho paid attention to the smallest minutiae. For instance, Groucho was grateful that the grater was full of plentiful parmesan and romano cheese! George Fennemann, who also accompanied Groucho, looked eternally youthful, (also anorexic), and George picked at a few spaghetti strands, and a few grains of cheese and a drop of tomato sauce. George Fennemann let it be known that he wished Groucho would stop smoking and eating simultaneously. Groucho was adamant though, because Groucho felt an ethical responsibility to keep the clouds looking their best.
Groucho also informed the interviewer, that he, Groucho, was the very first to start the trend of doing things simultaneously. Groucho was the founder of the original subliminal comedy movement that involved the complex elements of multitasking. Groucho even asked BabaWawa if she knew that Groucho was the very first comedian to even attempt to get his audiences to laugh so hard that they also cried. Groucho did his "trademark" move with his cigar and said: "Laughing and crying simultaneuosly, now that's real multi-tasking!" He winked at Baba Wawa. All of a sudden a trumpet played and the Angel Gabriel appeared. The "Secret Word" card just floated in air while The Angel Gabriel played his trumpet, while also eating a piece of pizza.. The gold and platinum and titanium embossed card had the secret words "multi-tasking" on it. The print on the card weighed the card down, but the titanium made the card "lighter" than air, so the card with the words "multi-tasking" actually was floating.
The Angel Gabriel "paid" Groucho. Groucho had secretly always wanted to win that secret word himself, and he finally got his eternal, cloud monopoly "money". This prize "money" was limitless comedy "currency". Groucho knew that with this prize "money", he could start the Groucho Marx Flying in Place Comedy University. He could begin to teach others how to find their own lost sense of humor. Then Groucho could begin the process that he had been putting off for so long. Groucho could have some humorous company when he returned to cloud "life", because with the prize cloud "life" currency, Groucho would also provide cloud "life" scholarships, so those who were willing to spend their cloud "life" looking for their lost sense of humor, would now be provided with the newest cloud "life" tech tools. These tech tools would make it easier and quicker for the cloud "life" students to find their lost sense of humor. Thus, Groucho reasoned, he would be able to remain in cloud "life" instead of requesting more visits back to pre-post life.
There were so few humorous people TO visit back on earth anyway, and Bill Maher and Ellen Degeneres were swamped with requests, and they could only spend a small amount of time with Groucho! After eating and smoking, and flying, of course, at the same time, Groucho commented that he could see that Jay Leno had the right idea, especially about eating while standing up, because Jay was kind of multi-tasking, because by standing while eating, Jay Leno was assisting in his own digestion of his food. Groucho remarked to Baba Wawa that, pretty soon, Jay Leno would be doing more things simultaneously, too. Groucho took the credIt and said that he, Groucho, had planted subliminal seeds for the few authentic multi-taskers, like Bill Maher and Ellen Degeneris. Jay Leno was almost there, as was Ralph Nader and even Jessie Ventura!
Groucho felt he had to mention to Baba Wawa that handsome George Fennemann was as anorexic as ever, and Groucho wanted George to try, for once, to just enjoy his food instead of just enjoying his looks. Groucho was almost ready now to return to clould "life", because Groucho has been looking forward to his newest cloud "life"mission: Groucho explained to Baba Wawa, that he wanted to get started with his Groucho Marx Flying in Place Comedy University. The Comedy University students would learn to find their sense of humor, and, when they "graduated", namely when they found their sense of humor, they could play eternally! Groucho made a note to himself to recruit Dudley Moore for his first class of GM Flying In Place Comedy University's cloud "life" students, because Dudley Moore had a head start in finding his sense of humor when he acted, and did such a good job, in the original "Arthur-The Movie" with Liza Minnelli, when he was in earth "life". Groucho just felt, intuitively and instinctively, that Dudley Moore would make a great mentor for other GM Flying In Place Comedy University students.
Handsome George Fennemann was, of course, Groucho's "wing man" when both were on Earth "life". George's handsome features would have an appearance overflow effect, and he made Groucho look better than Groucho actually was. In addition to chiding Groucho about Groucho's incessant cigar smoking, George reminded Groucho about Groucho having to pay extra insurance on the set of "You Bet Your Life" because of those big cigars Groucho smoked. (I secretly hoped Baba Wawa would become a real investigative reporter for a change and dig into the possibility that there might have been corruption on "You Bet Your Life: namely that she might be curious to know whether Groucho ever gave undetectable hints to the contestats about the secret word.)
On his show, Groucho listened intensely to his contestant-guests for the slightest defensiveness in his guest's tone of voice. Groucho, finding even a fraction of an iota of defensiveness, would "be off to the races" with his ad libbing! All people, but especially "You Bet Your Life" contestants, had to be "on their toes", and everyone back then knew to avoid complaining and being ungrateful around Groucho. Instead of bullying his guests, though, for "ratings", Groucho always got great Nielsen ratings because he cared about pleasing his number one fan! His most important "audience" was himself! Laugh for yourself he would imply: "You are your most important audience"!
"Today...", Groucho said to Baba Wawa, "I take the expansion of the pool of possibilities for marriage candidates as a plus, because even though I am a celebrity, when it comes right down to it, I need as many marriage possibilities as I can get, what with my limitations, (not withstanding the song I recorded: "You Can Learn a Lot from Lydia") With my smoking, and being in cloud "life", it's hard to satisfy anyone with just my long distance subliminal comedy! I'd be willing to try all marriage variations. If I were to come back to earth "life" re-vivified, reincarnated, I would marry a guy, then divorce him, and marry a woman, then, divorce her, then I could get sex change surgery and start all over again as Gracie Marx! I might even want to marry myself, because after a sex change who knows what might happen, I might have all the equipment I need"! With that Baba Wawa had her "scoop". Visions of the headlines were running through her head: "Groucho, Still Funny After All These Years, But Selfish, Too!"
Before Groucho returned to cloud "life", he mentioned that, if he were to make a comeback, he would publicize the fact that "You Bet Your Life" was THE original Reality TV show. Groucho noted that PETA probably would find fault with his use of the bird delivering the secret word, even though it was a mechanical prop instead of a live bird., and/or the bird union would start a class action suit or something, unless Groucho joined 'The Birders". He thought he might replace the bird with the Angel Gabriel but that might upset some of the religious unions in cloud "life", and it might also upset some agnostics and atheists that were earth "lifers". Groucho thought about extending his visit "visa" on earth "life", to make a run at becoming President of the United States, and he even visualized himself reforming politics through humor. Groucho thought he even might stand a chance, (due to the good will still existing for him), if he ran a write-in campaign, but he decided to return to his GM Flying In Place Comedy University goal.
As he was leaving to return back to cloud "life", Groucho said he would plant a final subliminal seed in the mind of Baba Wawa. He wanted to influence her to write about his idea for a write in US Presential campaign for 2012. He hoped that voters would all, through Neural Linguistic Programming, or NLP, get a spontaneous idea to write themselves in for President of the US for 2012. Groucho surmised that write-in votes for Mickey Mouse as a candidate for President of the US resulted in other successful write-in campaigns. There was even a hopeful sign of a trend, when Bill Maher, without any announced, organized, write-in campaign, was "recruited", because he got many write in votes to be governor of NJ in 2008!
Perhaps there is still a possibility that these earth "lifers", Groucho mused, might wind up governing themselves! Stranger things have happened, like when Jessie Ventura shocked the country and the world, by showing that an Independent Party candidate, with only a relatively small amount of money, COULD become a Governor! "Maybe", Groucho continued thinking to himself, "I really did subliminally plant the seeds for others to want to tell the truth by using humor, when I was alive! I really hope that there are more than just the few comedians like Bill Maher and Ellen Degeneris who can find their absolute sense of humor by losing their ego! These two and maybe even more can be able to forget who they are, long enough to remember what a real sense of humor is! Bill and Ellen also know that a real sense of humor is worth more than all that PC nonsense of "belonging" and/or "connecting", "uniting" together as a typical nuclear family, or country, or any group, for that matter". Groucho and Bill Maher and Ellen Degeneres and a few other comics and or writers that write on the internet knew that you need to value your unique sense of humor absolutely, more than you value money, fame and/or power.
Maybe Groucho would agree that things are becoming too absurd today, when even corporations are legally considered persons! Now perhaps even corporations can get "married" and save on legal fees for M & A (mergers and aquisitions)! Groucho might say that are too few people, whether human beings or corporations that "know" anything much today, what with all the disinformation. Groucho always showed us how to avoid taking ourselves and our personalities too seriously. He taught us with his subtle humor to rely on our intuitions and instincts to laugh and his humor poked fun at family, country, gender, or any goup identity. Groucho was an equal opportunity insulter, he insulted everryone and anyone who took themselves of their group identity, their group stereotype, etc., too seriously. Groucho made us aware, or tried to, and was somewhat successful at making us aware that there are too few people that know and treasure their VALIDITY of knowing that when we settle for the status quo of conventional tradition, we wind up being in a puzzle that is always missing at least one important piece. That one piece is our own unique, essence, our absolutely funny sense of humor. Our comical part of our personalities too often gets bullied out of us when we unite together too seriously as a family, country, ethnicity, religion, gender race or any identity, or group. Groucho taught us through his mostly improvisational, spontaneous, ad libbing comedy that all social and cultural constructs need to be viewed through 3D type "glasses" of HUMOR! Otherwise we are all missing out on laughing about how seriously we take ourslves!
Groucho made his "last" stop (he flew direct instead of non stop) before returning to his cloud "life" by fluttering in a blimp-like hovering manuever over where he was buried. He detected his unobtrusively marked grave. Few, if any knew where Groucho was really buried! (Due to a very trustworthy publicist, that rarest of all rarities, almost everyone believed Groucho was buried in Hollywood.) His grave is under Alabama elephant tusks because in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa.
B. Todish can be reached at  [mailto:btodish@verizon.net]btodish@verizon.net and/or see http://www.flyinginplace.com/
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Grouchos-You-Bet-Your-Life!-Quiz-Show-Is-Now-You-Bet-Your-Life-You-Need-a-Sense-of-Humor!&id=6449562] Groucho's "You Bet Your Life!" Quiz Show Is Now "You Bet Your Life You Need a Sense of Humor!"

Facebook Users We Like To Avoid

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Scott_S_Fleming]Scott S Fleming
The "Update Bore-aholic"
"I'm waking up." "I had tofu pancakes for breakfast." "I'm so bored at work." "I'm stuck in traffic, and need a drink."
Holy crap, how fascinating your posts and updates are (not). Nothing is too mundane for this type of user to broadcast every single action that happens on a whim. People, just because you have nothing better to do with your time than to broadcast your every single move with the thought that it was the next terrific thing to happen to you - try reading a book, or better yet, get a hobby that doesn't include using anything electronic.
The "Self-Promoter"
OK, so we've probably all posted at least once about some achievement in our lives. Sure, maybe your friends really do want to read the fascinating article you wrote about Argentinian ant farming. But when almost every update is a link to your blog, your lyrics listings, or your drab art show, you sound like a bragger or a self-centered careerist, which is a real turn-off.
The "Friend" horde
The average Facebook / Twitter user has about 120 friends on the site. The social butterflies -- you know, the ones who make life-long pals on the downtown bus -- might reasonably have 300 or 400. But to have over 1,000 "friends?" Unless you're The Pope or just won the lottery, no one has that many friends. That's just showing off, and it shows how shallow you are to the world that you would accept anyone that requests a friend or Follower.
The Town Crier
"Michael Jackson is dead!!!" You heard it from me first!
Me, and the 213,000 gazillion other people who all saw it on CNN. These users are the reason many of us learn of breaking news not from TV or news sites but from online social networks. In their rush to trumpet the news, these people also spread rumors, half-truths and innuendo. Users such as this are why Snopes.com is doing so well.
The TMIer
"Chad is heading to Walgreens to buy something for my pesky hemorrhoids."
The boundaries of privacy and decorum don't seem to exist for these too-much-information up daters, who offer up every personal detail about their sex lives, marital troubles and bodily functions. Thanks for sharing, time to drop you now, perhaps block you too.
The Really Bad Grammarian
"So sad about Fara Fauset but Im so gladd its friday yippeeee".
Yes, I realize that the punctuation rules are different in the digital world. That doesn't make it correct. No one likes a spelling-Nazi schoolmarm, but you sound like a friggin' moron and you don't care one tinker's cuss what you say even if we can't understand what you posted because you probably don't either. Your family always "likes" your broadcast, so you don't get upset.
The Sympathy-Baiter
"Barbara is feeling sad today." "Man, am I glad that's over." "Jim could really use some good news about now."
Like anglers hunting for fish, these sad sacks cast out their hooks -- baited with vague tales of woe -- in the hopes of landing concerned responses. Genuine bad news is one thing, but these manipulative posts are just pleas for attention. You keep a box of kleenex next to your laptop, don't you.
The Stalk-Lurker
The true "Peeping Toms of Facebook", these users are too cautious, or maybe too lazy (most likely too drunk), to update their status or write on your wall. But once in a while, you'll be talking to them and they'll mention something you posted, so you know they're on your page, hiding in the shadows. It's really a little creepy, actually, very creepy.
The "Face-Cranks"
"Jose isn't really that impressed with those idiots who don't realize how idiotic they are."
These curmudgeons, like the trolls who spew hate in several blog comments, never seem to run out of things they couldn't complain about. Just keep spreading the love...
The Paparazzo
Have you ever visited your Facebook page to find that someone's posted a photo of you from last weekend's party -- a photo you haven't even seen? You'd really rather not have to explain to your wife why you were leering like a drunken hyena and French-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister at an office party. Avoid these users like the PLAGUE.
The Obscurist
"If not now then when?" "You'll see..." "Peter is, small world." "Dave thought he was immune, but no. No, he is not. And I don't wish this for the world."
I'm sorry, you're not being mysterious -- just nonsensical - now shut the hell up! Oh, wait here's a button for that...
The Chronic Inviter
"Support my cause. Sign my petition. Play Mafia Wars with me. Which 'Star Trek' character are you? I sent you a heart! Here are the 'Top 5 cars I have personally owned.' Here are '25 Things About Me.' Here's a drink. What drink are you? We're related! I took the 'What President Are You?' quiz and found out I'm Millard Fillmore! What president are you? Which Smurf are you?"
You probably mean well, but stop. Just stop! I don't care what president I am -- can't we simply be friends?
Now excuse me while I go post the link to this story on my Facebook page.
Scott Fleming is CEO of Music City Guru, based in Nashville, TN. An affordable Website Development company and Hosting Services provider.
Additional informational articles can be found at http://www.musiccityguru.com/
Please call us at 615-541-9327
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Facebook-Users-We-Like-To-Avoid&id=6514679] Facebook Users We Like To Avoid

Classic Old Time Radio Comedy: Fibber McGee And Molly

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Elisa_Sunflower]Elisa Sunflower
Listening to radio programs from the yesteryear has become a surprisingly popular form of entertainment. Many of the old radio shows from the 1920s to the 1950s have even been adapted to play on the modern gadgets and gizmos we use today. In fact, like most other media formats, old time radio offers a wide selection for public consumption. Crowd favorites are the usual mystery, horror and suspense, thriller, drama and adventure genre. Of course, comedy was especially favored by the listeners of what has now become known as the golden age of radio.
The 1930's spawned many note-worthy programs that are still talked about to this day. However, one of the most famous sitcoms to grace the airwaves was none other than "Fibber McGee and Molly," which began airing on NBC Network April 16, 1935. When situational comedy is talked about, this infamous series immediately comes to mind and is said to be the spark that launched James "Jim" Jordan and Marian Driscoll to stardom.
The success of this syndicated serial was something like a slow burn. Unlike other hit old radio shows, the audience of Fibber McGee grew over the years. Perhaps what set the series apart from contemporaries of its time was the fact that it was a bright ray of sunlight in what was otherwise a bleak and dark moment in American history. The Depression blanketed the country with the after-effects of World War I and the lighthearted cheer that the McGee's of Wistful Vista exhibited as they went about their daily lives was a soothing balm to homes and households across America.
Jim and Marian relied heavily on their witty repartee to entertain their audience. It was not unusual that their listeners would end up doubled-over in laughter at the rib-tickling and guffaw-inducing antics delivered by the spunky cast. In the comedy genre, it's quite easy to fall into cliches and a repetitive routine. However, Fibber McGee successfully got away with such over-used plot devices through sheer bravado. In fact, one of the most notorious running gags they used was the "Hall Closet." Many an unsuspecting soul fell victim to the closet and was promptly buried under an avalanche of Fibber's things and no one was safe from the junk-filled monster. It became a standing joke in the McGee home and Fibber popularized the catch-phrase "I have to get that closet cleaned out one of these days." That ironic and self-derogatory remark delivered in an almost bored voice would leave the listeners in stitches.
Undoubtedly, the colorful characters living in Wistful Vista also helped drive the show's popularity. One of the most eccentric persons living in the village was a senior resident called "Old Timer." The gruff and cranky old man was portrayed by Bill Thompson. The comical situations he and Fibber would get into were made more absurd as he appeared to be arguing with someone who was deaf as a doorknob. Another character that he often interacted with was the haughty and self-styled aristocrat, Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve. He had a love-hate relationship with Fibber and their wordplay was akin to a verbal battle at times. Harold Peary portrayed the arrogant next-door neighbor so well that a spin-off program was created for the character. "The Great Gildersleeve" was another old time radio show that became popular during its time. Last but not least was the lovable and precocious little girl who followed Fibber around all the time. "Teeny" was also played by the charming Marian Driscoll. The former Vaudevillian actress had an amazing voice talent which was shown by the wide array of characters she played throughout the span of her career.
I'm a big fan of <a target="_new" href="http://www.otrcat.com/%22%3EOld Time Radio</A>.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Classic-Old-Time-Radio-Comedy:-Fibber-McGee-And-Molly&id=6516928] Classic Old Time Radio Comedy: Fibber McGee And Molly

Doomsday Warning Or Temporary Anomoly?

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=John_Morton]John Morton
Are all the nasty current events we are seeing and hearing about on the news just a temporary aberration or are we rapidly approaching a serious global problem? When I was young, I read about the hippies starting communes for assorted reasons not the least of which was reacting to the doomsayers warnings of global problems on the way related to the manner in which we treated the environment. The real fear, the one that had normally sane individuals digging holes in their back yards to house the bomb shelter needed to save the family from world war three. It all turned out to be needless worry. The holes in the back yard filled in, weeded over and eventually added to the inanities of the time.
Yet one nagging problem persisted. Constant warnings, warnings I can remember that were directed at water, were ignored. Since water is the most important factor in the formation and continuation of life itself I could not understand why the warnings were treated with such disinterest by those in position to do something positive. It was explained to me that soon the water in the creek behind our house that was drinkable, the fish that were eatable and water that was safe for swimming would be infested with harmful germs that would make us ill.
Now that I am in the realm of senior citizens, the creek no longer exists, all rivers, lakes and ponds for a thousand miles around scream pollution and the oceans are showing signs of the same problems. Water covers three quarters of the planet and a major portion of it is polluted or about to be polluted. One news source points to the problems of clearing rainforests but few listen because another source says we have too many trees anyway. One source says the ocean tides are being altered by underwater eruptions and we are losing an alarming number of animal and insect species as one after another becomes extinct. Another source says the underwater eruptions are normal as the planet stretches. We are expected to believe that just as many species of insects and animals are found each day as those we lose. What are we to believe?
We are told that global warming does not exist as a problem and if it did, it is a normal course of events that will correct itself over time. We're told there is no hole in the Ozone layer that won't repair itself as it has been doing up to now. We don't have to worry about the trees, we can replace forests with replanting programs and other methods.
I can remember hearing about three or four major storms a year. Now the numbers have climbed, the intensity has increased but officially, New Orleans was just natures' toss of the dice. Still, few official agencies will comment on the increased number of Tsunami's that have killed hundreds of thousands, caused undue damage including nearly sinking part of Sri Lanka while another battered Japan, turning their nuclear reactors into melt down mode, poisoning the land and sea for hundreds of miles around. Any one of the foregoing could qualify as a major catastrophe - we don't need that collision with an asteroid story to be true.
What about the political position of the world? The middle east is in a serious uproar, Britain is in riot stage, Norway is experiencing Terrorism and Syria is joining Egypt and Libya into a new form of government, currencies are being devalued and economies are tumbling. The world is in turmoil.
Having noted all the above, I could surmise that the Mayans may have just run out of time (the calendar really was finished.) Nostradamus is completely misinterpreted and all those other dire warnings are just the rumblings of dis-satisfied individuals seeking attention. Then again it might pay to clean up that hole in the back yard if still exists or maybe take a look at that self-sustaining, eatable forest idea and find our own generators - just in case. Can't hurt. Asteroid?
John Morton
John David Morton
 [mailto:John@multigroupcentres.com]John@multigroupcentres.com http://www.multigroupcentres.com/ecofitnessvillage http://www.multigroupcentres.com/LSDlifestyledesign
Author: 6 screenplays, 3 non-fiction works, 1 Novel and numerous articles
Hypnotherapist/life coach.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Doomsday-Warning-Or-Temporary-Anomoly?&id=6509030] Doomsday Warning Or Temporary Anomoly?

What Makes a Good Comedy Routine

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Tim_Tayag]Tim Tayag
Humor is very subjective but there are also universal truths that every person can relate to, unless you don't have a sense of humor which most likely means you are not completely human. It is in these universal truths that a good comedy routine thrives on and is able to transcend culture, race, and even time. So what am I saying? A good comedy routine comes from a believable premise that people can understand or agree on, and usually - but not always - it's about pain.
For example, if you are going to do jokes about marriage, then you should find a premise that is believable like "marital sex is the most expensive kind of sex" or "women are weird but men are stupid". Also, you are more likely to get laughs if you are actually married and not pretending to be married. Audiences can somehow sense if the performer is genuine or not.
So, once you have a believable and insightful premise (hopefully better than my own examples), what's next? You create a scenario that exemplifies the statement you just made, or what Judy Carter calls an "act out". It is in this act out where the punch lines come in. You can either exaggerate, compare, or show the absurdity of the premise to create laughter.
In the the premise example I gave, I can create a funny act out:
Women have weird habits, like they will ask you to wear matching outfits so you and her will look like this cheesy couple madly in love walking around for the whole world to see. "Baby, why don't we wear those Mickey Mouse shirts we bought in Disneyland and go out tonight to a comedy club?" Men, we're just stupid because we agree. "That's a great idea!"
Okay, maybe it needs more work but you can see what I mean by acting out the premise to get the funny out of it.
You can apply the same principle to sketch comedy or other forms. The main key is to get the audience to agree with you on the statement you are making. You know you've hit it on the head when your audience says, "That's so true!" And other comedians are thinking, "Damn! How come I didn't think of that?"
Talking about something relatable is just one of the ingredients of a good comedy routine. There are other factors such as timing, stage presence, likability, and so on. The best way to come up with a funny routine is to actually just keep doing it and polishing your skills. There is no substitute for stage experience.
Tim Tayag is a pioneer of point of view stand up comedy in the Philippines and Asia. He started his comedy career in San Francisco back in 1997 and has toured and performed all over the world. You can learn more about him by visiting his site http://www.timtayag.com/ or purchase his comedy CD [http://www.timtayag.com/nutritiousstandup/]http://www.timtayag.com/nutritiousstandup/.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?What-Makes-a-Good-Comedy-Routine&id=6273181] What Makes a Good Comedy Routine

Top Ten Signs You're As Intelligent As David Letterman

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Josh_Greenberger]Josh Greenberger
10 - S&P downgraded your IQ.
9 - You just got a brain scan and the machine said, "Please deposit some sense for the next 55 years."
8 - You blame George W. Bush for everything from the U.S. economy to hurricane Irene to the Japanese Tsunami to your receding hair line.
7 - You developed a gap between your teeth by speaking from both sides of your mouth.
6 - When Barack Obama said he campaigned in 57 States, you said, "If he had started earlier, he could've covered all 60."
5 - You supported candidate Barack Obama for president because you figured a guy who has experience in absolutely nothing and is so clueless that he thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet -- hey, it's almost like you have a twin brother.
4 - You hate Sarah Palin because she's proven herself to be a smart women who can be governor of a State and write books. You, on the other hand, have proven that with nothing else but dumb luck, any monkey on a rock can run a dog and pony show.
3 - You supported presidential candidate Barack Obama because you figured he cannot possibly repeat all the mistakes the last president made in eight years. And you were right. He did it in one year.
2 - When Barack Obama said, "On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes -- and I see many of them in the audience here today... " you said, "What a president! Even our fallen heroes come to hear him speak!"
1 - S&P just downgraded your IQ again. It's now so low you're even starting to look like David Letterman.
In all seriousness, I tried to find something nice to say about tooth-gap Dave. But fiction was never my forte.
For sound advise on who is or is not a good political candidate, entertainers should be the last people to rely on. Barack Obama is one excellent example of how misled the public can get by false impressions perpetuated by public figures who rely more on image than experience and accomplishments.
To now have little to say about the complete and utter failure of the Barack Obama presidency, yet still talk about the "failures" of George W. Bush, and the imagined "incompetence" of a brilliant and vibrant person like Sarah Palin, shows the great disconnect some entertainers have with honesty and reality.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Top-Ten-Signs-Youre-As-Intelligent-As-David-Letterman&id=6524506] Top Ten Signs You're As Intelligent As David Letterman

Diary of a Country Zombie

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Meredith_Loring]Meredith Loring
Today is a clean, crisp beautiful fall day. The brilliant orange and scarlet leaves are hanging like apples against a singingly blue sky. Along the roadways, bales of hay are bound up and dotting the pastoral green hillsides like giant frosted mini-wheats as a crow sails silently overhead in the tremulous breeze. The scent of cider wafts my way from the press where the farmer and his sons are busy pressing apples they gathered from the ground. In every respect but one, it is a perfect day. The one lousy thing about today is that I haven't eaten anything in weeks.
My last meal was a hapless grocery store clerk who came out the back door of the giant retail food outlet to put the trash into the high-security dumpster. Luckily for me, he neglected to check the premises first, and as he leaned in to wrestle the lock on the boat-sized trash trailer and deposit the day's half-stale bakery items, I nabbed him from behind. I only had to "chase" him for a few feet, since he kept falling and staring up at me with that woebegone sort of admiration my future meals often give. The odd thing is, I don't think he even knew I was a zombie. He kept saying "paper or plastic, paper or plastic." I think I may need to jazz up my attire.
I am a country zombie, and too bad for me, but country zombies don't often get to the city. Sure, we can take relaxing walks around the lake, engage in an evening of fishing, loll about in the sun and count birds and what not, smelling the gently billowing winds and picking flowers, but who thinks that's important when there isn't anything to put into the old gullet? Here I am, marooned in this putrid barnyard like a scarecrow stuck in a field of mud. I can only get to town when The Farm Guy doesn't notice me sliding into the back of his produce truck. If he catches me, its pretty much a no-win situation, cuz he holds up that terrible silver cross thing and tries to make me look at it.
It's not like I don't try. I leave voice mails; I put a signature line on my emails; but none of these things actually help me to secure a place at the table. All I want is to "get a head." Is that so much to ask? I even practice conservation. Only humanoids who stumble when they try to run away are selected for consumption. But the problem is, even when I do get to town, my zombie attire isn't the best. I admit it. As I said, that last guy didn't even know I was a zombie. In between "paper or plastic, paper or plastic," he kept saying "You'll have to go around front, Ma'am." I guess I just don't look zombie-like enough. But it's hard to get blood-stained panty hose and artificial stick-on cuts and wounds when you live ten miles from anywhere without web service. So here I am, sitting here in this ramshackle shed, wishing I were out on the town right now. I should have stopped in at the Zombie Costume Warehouse on my last trip to town and accessorized or gotten some new makeup. Oh well, there's always next time.
The author is a well-known zombie fan who has helped thousands of humanoids to appreciate zombie humor and even find their own voice as a zombie. For more zombie fun and to see a hilarious, award-winning film short and tips on zombie costume ideas, visit the [http://zombiecostumewarehouse.com]Zombie Costume Warehouse and make sure YOU are ready to be a good zombie this Halloween.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Diary-of-a-Country-Zombie&id=6525164] Diary of a Country Zombie

Waging The War On Floor Boogers

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Alan_Beggerow]Alan Beggerow
I'm a Mr. Mom, and I'm proud of it! I'm retired from the rat race and live with a woman that has a teenage son. She works, he's in school, so it makes sense for me to do the domestic chores.
Most of them I'm pretty good at. I'm a great cook, can clean fairly well, although my SO does bring her female fastidiousness into the equation, which is not always a bad thing. I am a male, after all, and on occasion I can lapse back into the Land Of Slobbinia. One thing I don't do much of is laundry. I know how to do it, but she prefers to do it her way, so I do the right thing and let her do it.
Some of the chores I like, some I don't. The one I really HATE the most is cleaning the floors. The big house we've got has no carpeting, which we both like. My allergies don't bother me nearly as much without carpeting, and with three cats, hardwood floors are easier to keep clean of the oodles of kitty hair that's shed. So most of the floor cleaning I do with either a mop for the tile floors in the kitchen and bathroom, or the pads on a stick that pick up all the dirt. You know, the one that uses the Blondie tune in their old ad, "One way, or another, I'm, gonna getcha,getcha, getcha, getcha!" A good sweeping with a regular broom to get the big gobs of cat hair and a once-over with the 'Getcha' and the floor's usually pretty clean. And it's not that I hate the chore so much. it's those nasty floor boogers that I hate.
You know what I'm talking about. Those stray pieces of lint, onion skin, toenail, paper, etc. that hide in the nooks, crannies and crevices of floor boards, tiles and mop boards. Those nasty flecks of whatever that won't pick up with a broom, mop or floor pad. Those devious, dirty little things that don't show up until you've emptied the mop water or put away the broom. Every single time I try to make a floor spotless, the little demons come out and thumb their noses at me.
I've tried sweeping, mopping, swiffering, vacuuming, everything short of a blowtorch to alleviate them. All to no avail. Oh, there may be fewer in number after my onslaught, but some always remain. Perhaps I'm just being too fussy. After all, a large expanse of floor clean enough to dine off of save for a few malignant floor boogers here and there isn't so bad. Is it? YES IT IS! Clean is clean, and if there's any floor boogers hanging around, IT AIN'T CLEAN!
So consider this essay a declaration of war, floor boogers! I do not know where you come from, but I know where I will send you! Down the drain, in the garbage, out of my door with the rest of the garbage! Your mission is to try and drive me to distraction, to make me 'break', to force me to let you live and prosper so you can take over the house! But it will not happen! I will NEVER break. I will NEVER give in. Fair warning, floor boogers! I play rough, and I play for keeps!
Visit http://essaysstories.blogspot.com/ for more essays and stories from my fevered brain.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Waging-The-War-On-Floor-Boogers&id=6532070] Waging The War On Floor Boogers

Anybody Can Solve Easy Riddles - It's The Real Brain Teasers That Drive You Crazy

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jason_Bacot]Jason Bacot
If you have a little free time, and want to use it to challenge yourself in order to keep your brain sharp, you might want to think about trying to solve riddles. If you do decide to accept the offer, then it would be best to start by trying to come up with the answers for easy riddles first. Then after you get the hang of it, move on to the real tough ones, which are called brain teasers.
When you initially start trying to come up with a few riddle answers, you are going to quickly discover it is much more difficult than you could have ever possibly imagined. The experts that specialize in this highly engaging activity, have spent many years honing and perfecting their craft, which is precisely why they are so good at it.
What the specialist have done, is refine a technique that provides them the ability to methodically and systematically break down a riddle to its most rudimentary level. Once this is accomplished, they then go and put it all back together again, in an attempt to help them come up with the correct answer.
If the above sounds like it is just a little bit too complicated, it is really not, you will just have to follow some of the steps mentioned below. First, you will need to teach yourself how to read riddles correctly. If you can never learn how to properly read riddles, there is no chance of you ever being able to consistently figure out the answers to them.
When you read a riddle, you have to slow down considerably, and fully concentrate on each and every word in the sentence. Next, you need to realize that almost every word used in a riddle, could have been replaced with another word, but wasn't. The second step is to come up with your own replacement words, and ask yourself why the writer used the word they chose, instead of another word. Once you are able to come up with the answer to that question quickly and efficiently, you will be truly close to becoming a great riddle solver.
After you are doing pretty well getting the answers to the easy ones, it will be time to up your game, and start working on the hard riddles. When you do this however, you will quickly come to realize that you are not quite as good at this as you thought you were. Of course, they will be much more challenging, and force you to think quite a bit deeper about the writer's intention than anything else you have considered in your entire life.
The only thing almost as hard as the brain teasers, are called tricky riddles. They are very difficult, and it will more than likely take you some time until you to fully understand how to solve them quickly. So, remember to start with easy riddles first, then gradually begin to work your way up the ladder, until you get to the top of it.
Are the [http://www.iRiddles.org]Riddles you're used to solving a little too easy for you? If so, I suggest you check out our newer and harder [http://www.iRiddles.org/riddles/]Riddle List online at iRiddles.org, where they are much harder.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Anybody-Can-Solve-Easy-Riddles---Its-The-Real-Brain-Teasers-That-Drive-You-Crazy&id=6536114] Anybody Can Solve Easy Riddles - It's The Real Brain Teasers That Drive You Crazy

Are You A Huge Fan Of Over The Top Complex Riddles

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jason_Bacot]Jason Bacot
Some riddles can drive you crazy thinking about their answers. You have to wonder who ever came up with the idea of creating them in the first place. It had to be somebody that was into torture of some kind, because unless you have heard the answer before, more than likely you will never be able to guess it yourself.
Of course there are hard riddles, and easy riddles, but for most people, discovering the answer for an easy one, can be just as difficult as a hard one. The more you think about these kinds of brain teasers, the more you begin to ask yourself, who sits down for hours on end to come up with one.
Are these people bored out of their minds, or do they just have a special knack for developing them? We will probably never know the answer to that one however. Today there are riddles for every age group that you can think of.
Some of the riddles that have been created for children can actually help them with their problem solving and deductive reasoning skills. It forces them to think deeply about a subject, and try to understand every little detail that is being mentioned within the riddle.
Most of us will remember our elementary school teachers asking the class various types of riddles. If so, you should also remember some of your classmates just screaming out all kinds of answers, until one of them finally came up with the correct one.
When you do at long last get the hang of discovering some riddle answers, it does feel very good, especially if it was one of those tricky riddles. If you happen to find yourself going to the websites that have these kinds of mind games, just to see if you can finally get one answer right without having to read it first, please do not be surprised if you become addicted to them.
The internet is a fantastic place for discovering all kinds of information and things about yourself that you did not know previously. This is the precise reason that riddle websites are so popular. There are many people that love to challenge themselves, in ways most of us cannot understand.
Why do they want to do this, nobody has an answer for. But, they love sitting down for hours on end, reading riddle after riddle, trying to come up with just one correct answer. Then there are also the other kinds of people that want to learn how to create their own riddles. These types of people need to do as much research as possible, and learn all that they can about this subject.
Whatever the reason is that so many people love going to website after website reading and trying to answer different riddles, they are extremely popular and more of them are being developed each and every day. If you have never been to one, well you do not know what you are missing out on, so why not check one of them out soon?
Are the [http://www.iriddles.org]Riddles you're used to solving a little too easy for you? If so, I suggest you check out our newer and harder [http://www.iriddles.org/riddles/]Riddle List online at iRiddles.org, where they are much harder.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Are-You-A-Huge-Fan-Of-Over-The-Top-Complex-Riddles&id=6536117] Are You A Huge Fan Of Over The Top Complex Riddles

Coming Up With The Correct Answer To Just One Riddle

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jason_Bacot]Jason Bacot
If you have never tried to figure out any riddle answers previously, you just don't know what you're missing out on. They can be quite mind-boggling and complex at times, and in other instances they can be quite simple. It is the easy riddles that drive you crazy though. This happens when the answer is so obvious, but you just cannot loosen up your brain enough to figure out the answer.
The more you work on trying to come to understand these brain teasers, the better you will get at cracking their code. If you have never had the pleasure of attempting to figure them out before, there is certainly a method to their madness. What you have to do is, read each and every word in one of them very carefully.
This is not like reading an article or book; it requires a much more intense approach to reading. You have to read each and every word in the riddle, and ask yourself the following question? What was the author trying to accomplish with this riddle, and why did they use that word or phrase?
There is one thing that you can be certain of when it comes to riddles, which is that there never was one that has ever been created, that has wasted words in it. Each word is there for a reason, each word interacts with all the other words in such a way to try and throw you off track of the correct answer.
The very hard riddles are even worse; you can literally sit there for hours struggling to figure out why the person who created it used this word, instead of that one. Then, when you are finally at your breaking point and ready to give up, it hits you at last, and you get the riddles answered. When this happens it's not only a great feeling of relief, it also provides you with the confidence that you require to solve more of them in the future.
After you have been doing it a while, you will be able to answer most easy riddles relatively easily and quickly. But, when it comes to the tricky riddles, they are not so easy, and even the experts that have been doing this for a very long time struggle with them at times.
Someday they will create a contest for people that love to read them and try and figure out a riddle's answer. It might turn out to be a show like Jeopardy, or maybe more along the lines of a spelling bee. Whatever kind of competition that finally gets started, you can be sure that it will attract fans from all over the world that love trying to uncover their answers.
If you have never been to a website before that has a ton of riddles on it to test yourself, you really should check them out. They are a great deal of fun, and who knows, you could turn out to be like 1,000's of other people that spend hours on them every day.
Are the [http://www.iriddles.org]Riddles you're used to solving a little too easy for you? If so, I suggest you check out our newer and harder [http://www.iriddles.org/riddles/]Riddle List online at iRiddles.org, where they are much harder.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Coming-Up-With-The-Correct-Answer-To-Just-One-Riddle&id=6536139] Coming Up With The Correct Answer To Just One Riddle

Easy Riddles Are Fun To Solve - Hard Riddles Can Drive You Crazy At Times

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jason_Bacot]Jason Bacot
If you have never had the pleasure of spending a lonely afternoon trying to figure out the answers to riddles, you have no idea how much fun you are missing out on. They come in all forms and complexity levels, starting with the easy riddles, then the hard riddles, and the toughest of all, the terribly difficult brain teasers.
If you enjoy activities that force your brain to think at its highest level, you most defiantly will get a big kick trying to uncover riddle answers. There is a method to the madness though, and until you understand it, and fully implement it, you will more than likely not be too good at coming up with the correct answer very often.
To become highly proficient at the sport, yes some riddle lovers do consider it a sport; you are going to have to think like the person who wrote the riddle. In other words, you are going to have to get inside of their heads. There is a reason they are called riddles, which is they are not easy to understand or solve.
Each and every riddle will have a specific number of words, and almost every one of those words, the writer could have used another word in its place. So, you have to slow down, read all of the words very carefully, and ask yourself, "Why did the author use this word, instead of that one"?
That is the first step, next you have to think about what point the riddle is trying to make. A riddle is designed by its very nature to attempt to look in one direction, when you are supposed to be looking in the opposite direction. So, the first thing you will need to do when you are working on this part of solving equation is to forget totally about the obvious, and concentrate on the not so clear assumption the writer is attempting to make.
If all of that sounds a little bit complicated, well it is, and it is meant to be so. If you really want to get good at solving riddles, it is best to start with the easy ones first and only later move on to the more tricky riddles. You want to do this for many reasons.
First, you want to acquire the skills that you will need to be successful. Second, you want to develop your own style and techniques. Third, by learning how to solve the easy riddles, your confidence will grow, which will provide you the emotional support that you will need to overcome the more complex riddles.
Solving riddles as a hobby is certainly not for everybody. That being said, they do have a very large following of millions upon millions of people that do it every day of their lives. If you think you could be good at it, or you think that you would enjoy it, well then, why don't you go ahead and give it a try. After all, who knows, you might someday become one of the best riddle solvers in the world.
Are the [http://www.iriddles.org]Riddles you're used to solving a little too easy for you? If so, I suggest you check out our newer and harder [http://www.iriddles.org/riddles/]Riddle List online at iRiddles.org, where they are much harder.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Easy-Riddles-Are-Fun-To-Solve---Hard-Riddles-Can-Drive-You-Crazy-At-Times&id=6536140] Easy Riddles Are Fun To Solve - Hard Riddles Can Drive You Crazy At Times

Learning How To Be Able To Come Up With Riddle Answers Consistently Is Not Easy

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jason_Bacot]Jason Bacot
If you happen to be one of those kinds of people who enjoys testing themselves, then you should really get a big kick out of learning how to come up with riddle answers. But, before your start, let us warn you that it is not easy or quick to become really accomplished in this highly appealing pursuit.
It will take you quite a long time, and a great deal of practice, even just to get to the point where it is quick for you to figure out easy riddles. As for the real brain teasers, the most difficult of all riddles, some people have been trying to solve them their entire lives and still cannot get as many right answers as they would like.
Learning how to solve tricky riddles is not only a great deal of fun, but your time will fly by once you get into the sport. It will force you to think harder than you ever have in your entire life about just a couple of sentences. A very nice benefit to working on riddles is that it keeps your mind sharp, and your wit just as good as ever.
When you first start, you are going to need to learn some of the tried and true methods for coming up with their answers. One of the first things that you will learn very quickly, is that your need to slow down your usual reading speed, and read each and every word in each one very carefully.
Next, you will want to read the riddle over and over before you start thinking about a possible answer. Every riddle has a set number of words, and almost all of those words could have been replaced by another word. When you are able to figure out why the author of the riddle used the exact words that they did, this when you will start coming up with some answers very quickly.
There are many different types of riddles, and you only want to advance to the hard riddles, after you are feeling good about yourself. The more time you spend practicing, the better you will get at it. After a while, without you even realizing it, you will start to develop your own style and techniques for coming up with the answers.
Once you master the hard ones, you will want to move on to the next level, which are tricky riddles. With these, there are all kinds of mind games going on that the writer is trying to use to fool you completely. They are going to send you off in one direction, but it will be the wrong way. They are trying to force you to retrace your steps and get on the right path, if you ever want to even get just one answer.
Don't worry though, coming up with riddle answers for even the most difficult of them will eventually come to you. When this finally happens, you will find that it was well worth your time and effort.
Are the [http://www.iriddles.org]Riddles you're used to solving a little too easy for you? If so, I suggest you check out our newer and harder [http://www.iriddles.org/riddles/]Riddle List online at iRiddles.org, where they are much harder.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Learning-How-To-Be-Able-To-Come-Up-With-Riddle-Answers-Consistently-Is-Not-Easy&id=6536141] Learning How To Be Able To Come Up With Riddle Answers Consistently Is Not Easy

Tricky Riddles Can Be A Blast Trying To Answer

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jason_Bacot]Jason Bacot
Are you one of those who loves working on crossword puzzles? If so, more than likely you would get just as much satisfaction out of trying to figure out the answers to tricky riddles. Before you rush off and start tying though, let me warn you that they are not easy, especially if it is your first time trying to solve one.
Just because you happen to be great at getting every answer correct in the crossword puzzles you do every day, does not mean that you will experience the same success when it comes to hard riddles. After all, you have been working on them forever, and you have come to understand what the writers of these highly engaging pieces are looking for.
It would probably be best if you started with the easy riddles, and then gradually tried to work your way up to the real brain teasers. Each riddle, just like each crossword puzzle, presents its own set of difficulties. So, it will take you some time to figure out all the little secretes that there are to solving them.
To be able to consistently get riddle answers correct, you are going to have to learn how to think like the people that write them. In other words, you are going to have to get inside of their brains, and figure out what makes them tick. Once you do that, you will next have to learn how to read a riddle properly.
When you first start trying to come up with the right answer, you will more than likely not be reading the riddles correctly. Each and every word that is in a riddle is there for a reason, and it is your job to figure what that reason is.
So, when you first start working on them, you have to slow down and read every word very carefully. Next, you then have to come to understand why each word is in the riddle. Finally, you must think about how each word relates to all the other words in it. Only when you are able to accomplish everything mentioned above, will you ever have even the smallest chance of being able to come up with the correct answer for the easiest riddles.
After you are able to overcome most of the simple ones rather quickly, only then will it be time for you move up to the big time and start working on the really difficult ones. The people that write these riddles are smart, some people might even think of them as geniuses, because they are so devious, while at the same time being so straightforward.
If it sounds like trying to solve riddles is a great deal of fun, it is, and there are millions upon millions of people that get their kicks doing it every day. If you have a little free time in the future, why not try your hand at coming up with the answers for these brain teasers. Who knows, you just might be the next one that falls in love with these little beauties from another planet.
Are the [http://www.iriddles.org]Riddles you're used to solving a little too easy for you? If so, I suggest you check out our newer and harder [http://www.iriddles.org/riddles/]Riddle List online at iRiddles.org, where they are much harder.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Tricky-Riddles-Can-Be-A-Blast-Trying-To-Answer&id=6536601] Tricky Riddles Can Be A Blast Trying To Answer

Tricky Riddles Are Sometimes Called Brain Teasers

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jason_Bacot]Jason Bacot
If you like to do things that test your deductive reasoning skills in order to keep your mind sharp and your time occupied, then you need to get into trying to solving tricky riddles. Before you start though, let us warn you, it is certainly not going to be the easiest thing that you have ever tried to do in your life.
Riddles come in different grades of difficulty, starting with the obvious, easy ones, then hard ones, next tricky ones, and the godfather of them all, the evil and sometimes impossible to solve, the brain teasers.
It is recommended that if you do decide to start this exceptional hobby, that you begin with easy riddles. After all, if you start with the hard ones, more than likely you will quit the very first day.
Trying to quickly guess riddle answers is never going to allow you to actually learn how to solve them on a regular and sustainable basis. In order to do that, you are going to have to perfect your skills by working at it, like millions of other people do.
The first thing you are going to need to do is to understand the concept behind riddles. Essentially, they are a play on words that is designed to force you to look in the opposite direction from where the riddle is initially pointing you. If you always think the answer is the one staring you directly in the face, you will never be able to solve one.
Next, you need to read the riddles very slowly and repeatedly before you try to start solving one. This is not the typical type of reading you are used to doing. It involves trying to figure out why the writer put each and every word in the riddle, because they are all there for a reason. As most of you already know, it is very easy to substitute one word for another in a sentence. That is the dilemma when it comes to riddles, trying to figure out why the authors choose to use the exact words that they used?
Then over time, as you begin to practice more and more, you will start to develop your own riddle solving style and techniques. You really should start with the easy riddles first and later when you get good at coming up with the correct answer quickly, move up to the hard riddles.
This will give you an opportunity to feel success, and it will boost your confidence. Then someday, when you solve one of the hardest riddles you ever tired; you will simply feel great about yourself, and know that all of your hard work and dedication finally paid off big time.
Always coming up with riddle answers that are correct is virtually impossible, even for the pros, which have been working on them for years. But, if you stick with it and persevere though the tough times, sooner or later you will get the hang of it and you will be able to solve most riddles that you are confronted with.
Are the [http://www.iriddles.org]Riddles you're used to solving a little too easy for you? If so, I suggest you check out our newer and harder [http://www.iriddles.org/riddles/]Riddle List online at iRiddles.org, where they are much harder.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Tricky-Riddles-Are-Sometimes-Called-Brain-Teasers&id=6536594] Tricky Riddles Are Sometimes Called Brain Teasers

There Are Easy Riddles, Hard Riddles And Those Difficult Brain Teasers

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jason_Bacot]Jason Bacot
Today, thanks to those little evil writers that are always trying to mess with your mind, there are all kinds of riddles. When you first start working on them, you want to begin with the easy riddles. After you are able to come up with the answers to them rather quickly, then it is suggested that you move onto the hard riddles. Unless you ever become an expert in the activity, you might just as well stay away from the brain teasers though, because they can drive you crazy.
There are many reasons that so many people all over the world get their kicks daily working on riddles. First, it is challenging. In fact, some people say it is the most difficult thing that they have ever done in their entire lives. Second, it keeps your mind sharp. When you are forced to concentrate on something so deeply that you forget about everything else, it helps your brain to improve its capacity.
There are many people that are utterly fantastic at solving tricky riddles. They were able to get so good, because they have been practicing it for so long. In addition, they have taught themselves all the skills required to become a successful riddle solver. They also, after many years of working on it, have created their own style and techniques that help them greatly.
If you ever have a chance to speak to one of these people, you will quickly understand why they are so good at solving riddles. They always totally love what they are doing, and will talk to you for hours about why they appreciate it so much.
If you are nice to them, and are willing to sit and listen to their war stories for hours on end, they might even pass along a few helpful tips. Each and every one of them will tell you that learning how to read a riddle is an art form of its own.
You will quickly learn that if you ever hope to get good at it, you will need to read them very slowly. Next, you will need to read them over and over, before you ever try and come up with an answer. The specialist will tell you, that they try and get into the writers head, and figure out where they are attempting to lead them. They want to know that, because it will be the wrong way, and more than likely the correct path, will be totally in the opposite direction.
Make sure you start with the easy riddles. Only after you are quickly coming up with the correct answers, should you move on to the hard riddles. As for the brain teasers, well that is a completely different category all together and very few people ever get good enough to take them down all of the time. Of course, you can try them if you want to, but do not be surprised when you are failing much more than you are succeeding.
Are the [http://www.iriddles.org]Riddles you're used to solving a little too easy for you? If so, I suggest you check out our newer and harder [http://www.iriddles.org/riddles/]Riddle List online at iRiddles.org, where they are much harder.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?There-Are-Easy-Riddles,-Hard-Riddles-And-Those-Difficult-Brain-Teasers&id=6536585] There Are Easy Riddles, Hard Riddles And Those Difficult Brain Teasers

Trying To Solve Tricky Riddles Is A Great Activity For The Elderly

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jason_Bacot]Jason Bacot
It is a proven medical fact that as we get older, our brains begin to slow down and not function as well as they once did. It is also a proven medical fact that if you keep your brain engaged working on difficult projects; you can maintain a high level of thinking capacity for much longer period of time. For that very reason, it is recommended that the elderly work daily on trying to solve tricky riddles.
Regardless of a person's age, when you first start trying to solve riddles, you want to begin with easy riddles. If you start with the real brain teasers, it will be almost impossible for you to come up with even one correct answer.
Most of the experts that practice this activity have developed their own techniques for solving hard riddles. While each and everyone are a little different, they do have certain principles that they utilize which are very similar.
Most great riddle solvers will tell you that the most important thing that they do when they first sit down and try to come up with an answer is to read the riddle extremely carefully. They also tend to read a riddle many times, before they even start trying to think about an answer for it.
They do this for many reasons, one of which is that they try and get into the writers head and figure out where the riddle is heading. These professionals already fully realize that the obvious response is always going to be wrong. They know that the author is trying to push you in one direction, but you really need to be heading down a much different path.
They will ask themselves many questions, such as "Why did the writer use this word, instead of that one"? Or, "What are all of the possible not so obvious alternatives that I should to consider"?
Being able to consistently come up with correct riddle answers is not easy, but it can be done. The longer you practice at it, the better you get. It is kind of like sitting down and doing a crossword puzzle for the first time. Very few, if any people ever succeed at getting all of the words correct, until they have been doing them for a while.
Solving riddles for people that are in their twilight years is a fantastic way for them to have some fun, while at the same time forcing them to use their brains in an intense fashion. Some of them will get frustrated when they first start because they cannot come up with the answers, but if they stick at it for a while, most of them will eventually get the hang of it.
If you have a friend, loved one, or an associate that needs something to do with their spare time, learning how to solve riddles is a great way to occupy it. Please remember to start with the easy ones, and then gradually work your way up to tricky riddles.
Are the [http://www.iriddles.org]Riddles you're used to solving a little too easy for you? If so, I suggest you check out our newer and harder [http://www.iriddles.org/riddles/]Riddle List online at iRiddles.org, where they are much harder.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Trying-To-Solve-Tricky-Riddles-Is-A-Great-Activity-For-The-Elderly&id=6536617] Trying To Solve Tricky Riddles Is A Great Activity For The Elderly

Solving Riddles Can Be Fun and Excruciating All At The Same Time

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Jason_Bacot]Jason Bacot
Have you ever tried to sit down and figure something out, but could never quite come up with the correct answer? You knew that you were close, after all, it was right on the tip of your tongue, but you just could never get it out. If you can relate to that, then you should be able to fully understand what it is like trying to solve tricky riddles.
These brain teasers can have you totally baffled one minute thinking about starting to pull your hair out. Then just a few moments later, you finally come up with the answer, and you are jumping for joy with excitement. When this happens, all you can think about doing is trying some of the more harder riddles, which will twist your mind all over the place.
If you have never worked on them before, but you would like to start, it might be a good idea to begin by working on easy riddles. They are much simpler than the hard ones, but for a novice in this highly competitive field, you will find them more than challenging enough.
The key to solving them, and coming up with the right riddle answers all of the time, is slowing down. You did read that correctly, you need to slow down everything that you do. The first thing you need to slow down is your reading. To solve riddles you need to read each and every word in them extremely carefully.
Then, you need to ask yourself the following question, "Why did the writer use each word in the riddle". After all, there are more than likely many other words that they could of used in each word's place, but they chose not to. Only when you can totally understand this concept at the highest level, will you truly become a first class riddle solver.
When you first start out, more than likely you will never be able to come up with even one correct answer. This is exactly the point where most people just give up and quit. However, to the millions of people that participate in this activity each and every day, they just knew that they could not stop, and had to figure out a way to start getting the correct answers very quickly.
Solving riddles is an excellent activity for almost any age group. For children, it helps to teach them problem solving skills, and the ability to do deductive reasoning. For the elderly, it makes them think about things very deeply, and keeps their minds sharp. For the rest of us, it is just fun to do, and it never gets any better than when you come up with an answer to a really, but really difficult riddle faster than you ever have before in your life.
If you have never tried solving riddles, but enjoy other activities like this, such as doing crossword puzzles, you should really get pleasure from it. There are many websites that you can use to help perfect your skills, while having the time of your life simultaneously.
Are the [http://www.iriddles.org]Riddles you're used to solving a little too easy for you? If so, I suggest you check out our newer and harder [http://www.iriddles.org/riddles/]Riddle List online at iRiddles.org, where they are much harder.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Solving-Riddles-Can-Be-Fun-and-Excruciating-All-At-The-Same-Time&id=6536579] Solving Riddles Can Be Fun and Excruciating All At The Same Time

Batmanning - The New Craze Sweeping The Internet

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Paul_J_Stevenson]Paul J Stevenson
The newest craze sweeping right across America, Batmanning is soon to hit the UK and other parts of the world. Photographs and videos featuring people hanging "bat-like" are the newest craze following on from planking, owling and horsemaning.
Essentially these photographic fads are a game, the aim of which is to take the best picture in the most unusual location. Planking is one of the most popular internet trends of the past few years. As with any game there are rules to be adhered to in planking. Participants must be laid down voluntarily whilst arms should be stretched out alongside the body, palms up and faces pointing down expressionless.
There are hundreds of photos out there of people acting like "planks" and though seemingly pointless are highly amusing. Kicking off in June 2011, planking's fan based facebook page now has more than 700 thousand followers. Unfortunately planking hit its height of popularity after an Australian man fell seven storeys to his death whilst trying to plank on a 5cm balcony railing outside his home. The news spread across the internet like wild fire boosting the reputation of this new game.
Following this began owling, where players are required to hunch their legs whilst perching on their chosen subject and staring like an owl. This led to the next photo mania of horsemaning, nothing taxing again like owling only this time it's a deed for two people. Basically it's a pose in which it appears like one of your heads has come off.
But none of these copy-cat crazes compare to the superiority of batmanning. This requires a person to hang from their subject using just their feet. Finally a photo meme which involves some skill and agility. Michael Keaton or Christian Bale will be so proud.
At first glance these photos could look idiotic, foolish and extremely dangerous. However it is an extremely accomplished talent and makes planking look very tedious and tiresome. Batmanning is set to become an art form within itself and will prove itself as more than just a passing craze, hopefully not losing credibility as planking did when celebrity chef Gordon Ramsey posted a picture of himself as a "plank".
It's hard to tell as yet who started the ball rolling on batmanning, all that is true is that it's sweeping America at the moment and rapidly making its way to a computer screen near you.
To find out more about [http://www.batmanning.org/]Batmanning the new craze sweeping the world, visit the [http://www.batmanning.org/]Batmanning website today.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Batmanning---The-New-Craze-Sweeping-The-Internet&id=6546381] Batmanning - The New Craze Sweeping The Internet

The Boy Scout Saga: Proof You Can Survive Childhood Shenanigans

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Mac_McGovern]Mac McGovern
When my brother and I joined the Boy Scouts, it was thought by everyone who knew us that this was a good thing. If only they had known how very wrong they were. We were far from innocent little boys, we went out of our way to stay out of trouble; in this endeavor, we were total failures. It was the going out of our way that caused most of the problems. We know because our family did not know a hair brush was used on the head, not on the butt. We received the back end of that brush so often, we checked ourselves daily to see if hair was growing. We finally succumbed to the fact hair would grow there someday, just not today.
All our troubles began shortly after joining the scouts. Our troop decided to hike to the cities founding father memorial and gravesite. It was a beautiful summer morning when we gathered to begin our hike; a hike of about 5 miles through woods and along the railroad tracks.
We were enthusiastic about this hike because it would be our first chance to earn a coveted scouting badge, if we are correct, it would have been for cooking or backpacking.
We do not remember much about our scout leader or other fellow scouts other than there was about six of us on the hike. Once we got started, we soon found ourselves walking along the railroad tracks. We discovered a Hobo Town of cardboard dwellings scattered all along the tracks. In the late 1950's, this was not an uncommon site. As we passed through, we saw several Hobo's down by the river. They did not appear to be too happy about us tracking through their town and I really cannot blame them. We considered it was great fun to knock down and trample the cardboard boxes. Or, it was great fun until they started to chase after us. We escaped with nothing more than our pride tarnished at being run off and continued our hike to the memorial.
Along the river, the scenery was breathtaking. Upon arriving at the memorial, a first for us, we discovered it overlooked the river and we could see for quite a distance from the bluff upon which the memorial rested. There was a small log cabin about 200 years old, the original home of our founding father, and a field stone tower erected over the remains of this great man. Actually, even then, we thought it was a meager dedication and was not well kept. The grass all around was about knee high and very dry.
We decided as good scouts to clean up around the area, you know spruce things up a bit. We set to clearing away some of the grass only to discover this was not going to be an easy task, so we decided to clear some of the area by fire. The intention was good; the execution would soon prove disastrous. We have no idea who lit the match that set off one of the biggest grass fires in the county's history, but I always suspected my brother. In reliving the events, I only know it was not I and I promise the scar on my thumb and forefinger was caused when I tried to remove my finger prints.
We did however recognize we were in deep trouble and would in all probability get blamed. We were always guilty, if not directly, then by association. In this case it was most definitely by association. It was one of those facts of life we had come to accept.
As the situation quickly turned critical, all of us began to beat the fire with our shirts in a futile attempt to put it out. As the fire spread, the heat began to fan the flames even higher and increase the speed at which the grass was being consumed. We were worried, but also knew, burning the grass would cause no major problems, posed no threat to dwellings or life, and would eventually burn itself out. What we did not count on was what happened next.
That old cabin was dry and lit off as to say "this is not going to sit well with the city fathers." and it was right. When that cabin lit up, all bets were off as to our future. Even though the property was a mess and needed to be cleansed, you would have thought we burned their houses to the ground instead of one that belonged to a guy dead for 200 years.
As the fire grew completely out of control, sirens could be heard in the distance. Sirens were something we had some experience with from prior experience. These sirens belonged not only to the police but, more important, the fire department
The Fire Department did a fantastic job putting out the fire. We looked on the bright side, fire renews. I bet a month later, the monument was a beautiful site; the cabin was gone forever.
The City Fathers were beyond ticked off, they were livid. We knew this by how far the veins stuck out on  necks; these veins were out there. They disbanded the troop; actually, they kicked us out of the Scouts. Shortly thereafter, we were place in an orphanage. We always believed we were put there because mom could not control our behavior and we needed to be in a place where we had direct supervision around the clock. As usual, we were right.
45 years later I returned to the site with my wife and mother. I do not believe my wife was sold when I told her the story of how we got kicked out of the Boy Scouts. Reality is a great sales tool. Upon the site of the cabin rests a plaque that reads, "Upon this site stood the original cabin of __________destroyed by fire in _____." Simple, effective and most important to me, there were no names listed. After reading the plaque, my mother said to my wife, "you just cannot make this stuff up."
This story actually occurred. Some of the facts may not be in the correct order of events and have been rearranged to not cause undue stress to others who were involved; names and dates have been removed to protect against litigation, and having matured over the years, my responsibility in writing this story is to protect the guilty.
No matter what you write, someone will love it.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Boy-Scout-Saga:-Proof-You-Can-Survive-Childhood-Shenanigans&id=6547287] The Boy Scout Saga: Proof You Can Survive Childhood Shenanigans

Funny Jokes, Problems While Sharing and The Best Solutions

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Bhawna_K_Kapoor]Bhawna K Kapoor
Funny jokes make our life good. Life is good when we keep on laughing. Our laughter ensures another's laughter. It is very infectious kind of thing. It breaks the silence and helps everyone to express. People get closure while having fun and laughter. There is an element of sense of humor in everyone. Some people feel shy in expressing and some do not realize it. Just think for a while and ask to yourself that why do we do lots of work and efforts? The answer is to make ourselves and our families happy and satisfied. So why not to share some funny jokes to make everyone smiling. Laughter is inevitable for everybody. It keeps us healthy.
Each one of us wants to have fun and enjoyment but there are some barriers which stop us. So here I would like to share those problems with best solution.
Problem #1: You may feel that you are not capable of making others laugh. The fear of rejection is there. You think that if you crack a joke and no one laugh than you will get insulted.
Solution: Yes, you are right but it doesn't mean that you are not capable of making others laugh. The thing you should do, is practice. Take care of your body language and notes on your voice. Try to share pranks with your family first. They will not react like others. When you feel that you are able to make people laugh than go ahead. First share some funny things with less friends than start gossiping in group. It is as simple as that.
Problem #2: No one listens to me. Whenever I start sharing something, my friends get bored. Sometimes they laugh on me.
Solution: You feel that people are not interested in listening you. Sometimes we do not know what to share with whom. Your selection of right audience matters a lot. People are not interested in listening you because you do not share what they want to listen. For example, You can not share adult jokes at home and religious jokes at college. So please think about people's interest and present yourself in that way. Try to match your skills with their interest and you will gain their trust.
Problem #3: Whenever I try to share fun material, I feel that lines might have been shared by someone else. So it stops me.
Solution: Yes, People don't like repeated pranks but always remember there is way to share the things. You often see your favorite movie again and again, why? It is simply because you like the way stars have acted. It really matters how you express. Many people share repeated funny stuff but that result laughter. So be confident, go ahead and spread fun wherever you go. Try to grab fresh one liner jokes from different sources.
This is how you can be the best and people will love you for that. [http://shortjokes4u.blogspot.com]Funny Jokes and [http://www.knockknockjokes4u.com/]Knock Knock Jokes - Your real destination of humor world.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Funny-Jokes,-Problems-While-Sharing-and-The-Best-Solutions&id=6360159] Funny Jokes, Problems While Sharing and The Best Solutions

Reasons Why Laughter Is the Best Medicine

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Waz_Zaman]Waz Zaman
You must have heard since your childhood that "Laughter is the best medicine". But in the modern competitive world, man people hardly care about the saying and believe that laughter has no major role in their health. But such people do not realize that they are making a grave mistake until simple moments of life make them realize the same. Laughter has got a major role in maintaining good health including a healthy mind. Many believe that laughter only acts as a temporary source of happiness. But laughter not only provides us with a source of happiness but also keeps away many diseases. There are many diseases and adverse conditions such as stress, fatigue etc. where laughter works better than any actual medicine. Here are a few points to show how laughter is the best medicine:
1. A recent study by cardiologists proved that a person who has a habit of laughing frequently has a lesser chance of facing a heart attack. Laughter might not be directly related to prevention of heart attack but it reduces mental stress. And mental stress results in impairment of the endothelium, the protective barrier lining our blood vessels. This in turn results in a series of reactions that result in building of fat and cholesterol in the arteries leading to heart attack. So, laughter indirectly also prevents heart attack.
2. Laughter decreases the chances of a stroke. This is because of the blood vessel expansion during laughing keeps away the possibility of stroke.
3. Laughing is believed to be a good cardio workout which increases flow of blood by about 22%. Watching a comedy movie resulting in a good dose of laughter is believed to give body the same effect provided during a 15-30 minutes workout.
4. The respiratory system acquires more air during laughter which is good for the body. This is due to the expansion of respiratory valves during laughter. It also helps our respiratory tract clean. Thus, laughter is a very good medicine for our breathing mechanism.
5. It is proved that laughing helps to control sugar level in the blood. So, if you have diabetes then try to enjoy life and laugh everyday. Because only medicines cannot control these sugar levels at times. Laughter and happiness have also been proven to helpful for diabetes patients.
6. It is believed that a stress free body will have less diseases. Laughing helps to create a stress free mind. It is said that there is no tension during laughter. And a relieved and stress free body results in a healthy body more often than not. So, it is not easy for diseases to affect a person who is happy and laughs everyday. So, laughter tends to be a cost free medicine for all kinds of ailments.
7. Laughter has no side effects for sure whereas all modern-day medicines have got some side effects. So, we can laugh without worrying about any harm caused to us. Laughter can never harm us but only help us all the time.
8. Laughter is also proven to enhance the facial beauty of a person. Laughter results in movements of the lips and the facial muscles. It has been observed that people who have a good sense of humor and who laugh everyday also have a beautiful face. Due to the amount of facial exercise in laughter there is good amount of blood circulation in the face resulting in a glowing face.
A happy mind leads to a happy body and soul. And there are hardly many things that can result in more happiness than a genuine dose of laughter. So, try to be happy and laugh every day of your life. It will release all the pressure and make this world a lot better place to live in for you as well as for others.
The author is a webmaster who loves fun and funny websites. He also owns ohmagif.com where he updated [http://ohmagif.com/]animated gif including but not limited to [http://ohmagif.com/]funny gif.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Reasons-Why-Laughter-Is-the-Best-Medicine&id=6557328] Reasons Why Laughter Is the Best Medicine

Funny Jokes

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Tosin_Abdulazeez]Tosin Abdulazeez
Sometimes it is good to have a bank load full of jokes to keep you relieve and reduce tension.
Firstly, On a ship, an American man, an English man, and a Nigerian were sailing.
Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, "Drop something in the sea, if I find it I will eat you, If I can't, then I will be your slave!" The American dropped a diamond, the Devil found it and ate him.
The English man dropped a small platinum piece, the Devil found it and ate him too.
Now its the Nigeria's turn. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water and poured it in the sea and said:
"Na today???, find am nah!!!"
Secondly, three Contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House,
one from India, one from Chinese, the third a Nigerian. They went to White House official to examine the fence.
The Indian takes out a tape and does some measuring, works some figures, he said, the job will cost $900 (material $400, labour $400 & $100 profit). The Chinese does the same & said I can do it for $700 (material $300, labour $300 and $100 profit). The Nigerian doesn't measure or figure, but whispers, $2700 to the official.
The White House official say, you didn't even do any measurement, how did you come up with such a high figure? The Nigerian replied $1000 for me, $1000 for you & $700 to hire the Chinese to do the job. DEAL or NO DEAL? White man smiles, it's a DEAL
Thirdly, as we begin this new year 2011; remember.Time waits for no one. In view of this, i made these prayers for you, As u begin this second quarter, may all your dreams and forecast for this year becomes "DIVINELY" achievable, Every enemy dancing "YAHOOZEE" in your life will begin to "KOLOMENTAL", they will "JASI KANGA" and shout "WHY ME O", because "GONGO ASO" and u will sing "MOBOLOWON" at the end the day.
Forthly,Hello," Na wa for you self, you sabi waka ooooooo. I hear say U and Grace comot for morning and
you came back with Joy. you spent your night with Peace and woke up with Blessing discussing about the Favour waiting for you at the office, while Happiness and Prosperity are waiting for you in the car. Make you carry go cos na so dem go follow U thru out this year. GOD has Blessed U and it cannot be Reversed". Have a lovely day!! Your Dreams will not die, Your Plans will not Fail, Your Destiny will not be Aborted, the Desires of your Heart will be Granted. Say a Big AMEN. Money will know your name and address from now on.(.A BIG AMEN..).
Thus,You cannot tailor make the situations in life, but you can tailor make the attitudes to fit those situations before they arise. Moreso, Always know that challenges do not come to stay but they come to pass.
Finally, these mathematical calculations are sometimes true.
1. Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance
2. Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
3. Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
4. Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage
5. Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profits
6. Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production
7. Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion
8. Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime
9. A man will pay N2.00 for a N1.00 item he needs.
10. A woman will pay N1.00 for a N2.00 item that she does not need.
11. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
12. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
13. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
14. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
15. To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot.
16. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
17. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
18. Women somehow deteriorate overnight.
19. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
20. A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, but she does.
21. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.
22. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
23. A woman has the last word in any argument.
24. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument
Hi, my name is Tosin. I enjoy discussing intellectual facts and ideas that serve the general populace. Thus, i cherish inspirational, emotional, intellectual discussions among other things.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Funny-Jokes&id=6550874] Funny Jokes

In The Beginning There Were Snow Shovels

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Mac_McGovern]Mac McGovern
This is the tale of two boys. We call it a tale because as boys, there is the truth, stretching of the truth, and just a little fiction to add flavor. We are brothers Bob and Jim, whose birthday is the same day, exactly one year apart.
Our story begins at an age we can barely remember, but do, because of Newton's Third Law which preceded most of our antics. In fact, most of our vivid memories are based on the aftermath of our actions always causing an equal and opposite reaction.
We have a very large family which eventually grew to ten children peppered with a wide array of uncles, and aunts. Christmas, a time of joyous celebration was eagerly awaited by us all. Even at the young age of 4 and 5, we already knew what our presents held. We figured out how to sneak a peek and it was so successful a ploy, we used for years. We will not however, disclose our secret procedure here because we are still trying to decide if we want to file for a patent.
The hardest part of knowing what we got for Christmas was having to act surprised when we opened our presents. Yes, we were that good; nobody suspected the genius and mischief behind those innocent eyes. Today, and due to popular belief, or disbelief, within the family, we vehemently defend our genius.
This Christmas, we were old enough to get snow shovels, parents are not always as incompetent as we like to believe, why not shovels? Living in the cold, snowy north, we got a lot of snow, and this year was no exception. Looking back on those snow shovels, we figure we really got the worst of the deal because if we shoveled the snow, under the guise of fun, the adults could sit back and laugh at the two young idiots doing all their shoveling.
A scam that would not be forgotten by us and one that would carry over to future generations.
Shoveling snow however, turned out to be a short-lived adventure. We were, from the beginning very competitive. At this young age you would have thought we would simply throw a few shovels of snow, get bored and quit.
Not us, we divided the sidewalk in half. As the oldest, I got the biggest half. At 5 years, neither of us knew, especially Jim, what a bigger half was, but as a visionary, I had a pretty good Idea.
It was cold, but it was not snowing. If we remember correctly, and we do, since there is no one to dispute our recollection, there was about 4" of snow on the sidewalk.
We received several gifts besides those snow shovels, but neither of us can remember any of them. We probably would not even remember those silly little shovels if it had not been for little brother's violation of our terms of agreement pertaining to what was his and what was my half of the sidewalk.
Granted, if was both a verbal and visual agreement, but an agreement none the less. In our early years, I was the meticulous brother; Jim was the one who charged full boat into just about anything he did. We would experience a shift in this behavior, as we grew older. Anyway, we got all bundled up in our coats, boots, scarves, and hats; then headed out to try out our new snow shovels.
After careful measuring and equal division of the sidewalk area by me, we began to shovel the walk. Remember, Jim was the hurry up and get it done boy, and boy, did he get it done. He finished his half of the sidewalk before I finished about a third of mine. Jim's side was haphazardly shoveled with splotches of snow everywhere; mine was scrapped clean and shoveled the way a sidewalk should be shoveled.
Now, here is where Jim made his first major mistake in his relationship with me.
Up to now everything was shared equally. There were no disputes either of us can recall occurring prior to this cold winter night. However, now that we think about it, we were very young and since no memory shaking event happened up to this fateful night, we are confident we did not quarrel or fight, but lived in harmony.
When Jim decided to help me shovel my side of the sidewalk, our first ever memory shaking event materialized. It was over fifty-five years ago yet, it was as if it happened yesterday.
As Jim began to shovel on my side, I became furious he violated my sanctuary and was shoveling my side in the same haphazard fashion he had done on his own side, not that it would have made a difference if he had been respectful and meticulous. Without thinking, because if I had thought, I would not have reacted as I did, raising the shovel above my head, I let Jim have a whack on the top of his head. To this day, I swear I never intended to hurt Jim, but only to scare him into returning to his half of the sidewalk. Remembering, for every action, although unknown to me until this night, there is always an equal and opposite reaction, fate was set in motion.
The action of hitting Jim on the head was immediate. Initially, came the blood curdling scream, in this case it was not faked, then came the blood, it was a lot of blood. I thought it was funny and deserved...at first, and have no recollection of Jim disappearing into the house. He moved that quick, only his bloodied body being thrown into the car and raced to the hospital alerted me that Jim was not hurt as bad as I was going to be.
Now, we said we had a lot of family. Unfortunately for me, Jim got the sympathy and I got the wrath of all the relatives producing an equal, or should we say unequal reaction, which turned out in my case to be prophetic, and excessive in relationship to the few stitches Jim received.
When Jim got back, he thought it was funny that I got a licking and had no clue how lucky he was the shovels had been taken away. Jim survived and would develop a trusting, one-sided relationship with me, one-sided because I was always the giver and Jim was always the receiver.
This was the first of many scars Jim would receive throughout his developmental childhood which he attributes to me. On the other hand, I received none. He did, as his actions came to dictate, come to hate Sir Isaac Newton and his law, "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." At least, as it pertained to me.
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